Belonging is a photographic series that explores my connection with my family and my own identity. Growing up in the late 90s as a Hispanic in a predominantly white household and neighborhood, I always felt a disconnect from myself and my family. With this series, I focus on understanding who I am and understanding what identity I am choosing to be.
Identity
What is my identity?
This is the question.
I always have trouble answering.
Am I Hispanic? Am I white?
No, my skin and body say otherwise.
Why is it hard to perceive who I am?
My hair is black. My skin is brown.
I am short and my body is different
Yet, I don’t feel like I belong in my body.
My family.
Their fair skin, light hair, height, and body.
Are different compared to mine.
Who does that make me?
I can’t be Hispanic, but I also can’t be white.
What should I do?
Do I have to choose?
My hair has always been thick and black. Growing up in a majority-white neighborhood. My hair was unique compared to others. Especially when I was in elementary school. The hands that would stroke and lift my hair were not mine. Adults who were not my family thought this was okay. Yet, I didn’t say anything. I was only eight. I was never a fan of being touched and held, unless by family. During my elementary years, it all changed. Being touched by anyone felt incredibly painful. My hair ruined me for years. My hair became my identity.
To feel comfortable in my own body. The color of my skin. The thickness of my hair. The body type I was given. To learn to accept myself. This is who I became as I got older. At least I know for sure. I am Hispanic. I am white. That’s my identity. Unfortunately, To everyone else, they will only see one identity.